Thursday, January 31, 2008

OOO I remember! I think it's time to start taking the Gingko.

Last week I had my blood drawn for the "stay healthy, be fit" thing they do at work all the time. Pretty much you go in and get your BMI, Blood Pressure, Resting Heart Rate, and then they draw a vial of blood and do the basic 28 chem test on it. They then send you the results via the mail and you can call someone to go over your results to see if you need to get to your doctor. The real reason to do the test is because if you signed up for the PE class, and you get a before and after (at the end of the 12 week PE class) blood test done, then you can use it toward your credits for PE and thus get time off of work.

Anyhow, blood drawn last week. Yesterday morning a lady from the hospital where they're doing the blood tests called. The conversation went something like this:

"Hello! this is Julie from [insert hospital name here]! And you had your blood drawn the other day."

Heart rate skyrockets. I can hear the blood rushing in my ears.

"there's a problem."

I practically have a coronary.

"The people there didn't write down your blood pressure and resting heart rate like they were supposed to."

sigh of relief. Heart rate starts to drop and I no longer think I'm going to pass out.

"Do you happen to remember what your blood pressure was and what your resting heart rate was?"

"uh, they didn't do resting heart rate, but my blood pressure was 122/70."

"Oh, that's really good! I'm surprised you remember that."

"well, that's the lowest it's ever been"

"Yes, when you've been fasting, your platelets drop which tends to drop your blood pressure."

:::thinking to myself::: No, I think it's because 1) I wasn't at a doctor's office, and 2) I'm beginning to think the particular type of pill I'm on is going to cause me to have a stroke.

"Anyhow, I've got a second hand right here. Do you know how to take your pulse?"

Heart rate is still higher than normal, I can FEEL my pulse without even having to put my fingers on my neck.

"Go"

I count. About half way through the time I can FEEL my pulse slowing and returning to normal.

"Stop"

"15."

"okay, that puts your RHR exactly at 90. Good. Thanks! your blood test should arrive on Monday at the latest!"

after I got off the phone my RHR dropped to about 75. And I kept re-running the Homer's Triple Bypass Simpson's episode through my head:
        [a "window" shows Homer's heart, beating fast]
Burns: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly
hello...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...and goodbye! You're fired!
Homer: [gags] [heart speeds up]
Burns: But, wait. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. You _are_ highly
skilled...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...at goofing off!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats faster]
Burns: Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really
dig...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...a grave for!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats faster than anything]
Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!
Homer: [stares blankly] [heart beats normally]
Burns: That means, you're terrible!
Homer: Aarrggghh! [heart goes crazy] [collapses]
-- The straw that broke the heart's back, "Homer's Triple Bypass"


1 comment:

Dani said...

you goof. well if you can't compare your life to the Simpson what can you compare it to?